Presently, I am struggling writing and drawing. I simply do other things: I learn, I follow a coaching allowing me a welcome introspection, yet writing and drawing, let’s face it and be honest, I have the blank page syndrome. Worst, the double one.
Why is that? I obliged myself to come up each time with new content both written and drawn. And already writing an article, finding the right idea to put forward is not an easy task – and presently it’s even harder, yet on top, finding the right image, way to illustrate what I want to offer you, that’s putting me a pressure, I didn’t know I had. And pressure is the enemy of the creation and at least my inner muse.
I’ve opened this blog as I wanted to show a mindset, some positivity, new Colors and maybe en en some perspectives, to you dear reader. But when the author/illustrator don’t follow it question the person and goal behind this platform. Why isn’t she publishing? Did she just stop?
No, I didn’t. I just have what I’ve called, the Soufflé syndrome. I love new stuff and let’s be fair, I let myself explore it, find new path, until I go back to my anchor. Slightly like a butterfly, or Mr Seguin’s goat – an old French story – minus the wolf. So instead of forcing me, now I have choose to listen to me, to prioritise me. It’s not that I don’t know how to prioritise tasks, but when it comes to me, that’s pretty tough. So I know say proudly and loud, it’s my choice and responsibility if I don’t publish as often as I wish I could. Because writing something interesting, meaningful, generous, it’s not like a lightbulb you can put on. I don’t have a switch to call my muse, even for someone with a name as I. I am like everyone, I struggle and sometimes I don’t have enough fuel in my tank.
Fine, but the Soufflé, what’s your point, you might wonder. It’s not just about my love for great food and cooking. Of course, I love to take a few simple tasty ingredients and create some magic to share with my loved ones. I even use to go baking some chocolate chips cookies when I was working on a project that was not going forward well enough to have some direct and concrete result. The smell embracing each corner of my house of the cookies in the oven baking gently, the vanilla, the dark chocolate, was enough to make me go back to earth, stop the negative circle of frustration and enjoy, once baked and cooled down a scrumptious immediate treat. And that’s what it’s all about and made me realised the need of finding the right receipt. As, depending as you do it and if you have the right receipt or not, a Soufflé, when you bring it out of the oven will stay either right up proud or will fall down.
So what’s the right receipt? First list what you have. Which ingredients, do we need to add some, change them, adapt them? Do we need to change the receipt, we might have the wrong one. We don’t want, well I don’t want the sad Soufflé, I want the proudest one. I want to be right in my shoes and not apologise for what I think I should do, like more regularly sketch and write. I am honest with myself and I can’t presently write + sketch + translate + learn new skills + reinvent myself + or questioning myself + having a social life + think about me. It’s a calculation that just don’t work and the perfect image of the saddest Soufflé you can imagine. It’s not because I can’t write each week that I will left this blog with no more life in it. It’s simply not the right time, a blog is a long term relationship.
Recently someone asked me if I wanted to make money out of it. It’s not the time, it’s too young and would force myself to a regularity I am not willing to give. I want to be able to stay true to myself. Give you ideas, aims, purpose maybe. I am aligned with my inner self, with my own energy and that’s the most important thing for me right now.
So you might have understood by yourself. When you see that something you had started with lot of hope start to fell down, ask yourself why. Ask yourself if you shall continue, and if yes, how. Maybe you don’t have the right baking powder, that’s perfectly fine. Just allow yourself to rethink, reframe and continue. Be objective with yourself. You might started to quick and now you don’t know how to deal with all that you have to do. Let’s be gentle with you and simply be cool with yourself. I started three new articles those last weeks, none of them was good enough to be published.
So dear reader, know that this blog is not close to an end and will be pursued. I am pledging for. I will publish when I have enough to offer, some matter. And this can as well comes from you! Don’t hesitate to comment, give me your feeling, your perception. So that I can put my pinch of salt and enrich with care what I’d like to give you back . What do you think? 😊
